Maybe Someday...

i love these rainy days and how they come at the perfect time... because when it rains no one can see the tears that are falling from my face. because the rain knows how i feel.
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AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!
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why do you make things so difficult? why cant you show me the love you showed them? im honest, im true, im loyal to you...
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5:01pmMe
idk he loved erin.. (an i think kinda foresaw them getting marrie but then the whole thing was a lie bc she had pretty much been cehating on him the entire time)
5:02pmErika
so maybe that is why he is afraid...cause he has strong feelings for you...but he has bit him in the ass before...
5:02pmMe
but i feel like ive proved to him that im loyal to him and idk what else to do or say bc when i try and talk to him about stuff like that he avoids the conversaiton at any and all costs... :/
5:03pmErika
I know thats how I was when I first got with Nathan...I was 'crazy' in a sence because of what has happened to me...but I eventually calmed down about it and it got a lot better
5:03pmMe
i just dont know... im a wreck toay
today**
5:04pmErika
Its up to you what your next move is, my dear... but I think he has been burned before, and he seems to be more stubborn than most...lol
so it may take him awhile
5:04pmMe
stubborn doesnt begin to cover it!
lol
5:04pmErika
if you are willing to put up with it, then do it and show him you are always going to be there. ya know? but if it is making you unhappy, then you need to say or do something...
cause if you aren't happy...it may just end up getting worse...and you are gonna get stuck in a rut...
5:05pmMe
and im trying so amn hard to patient with him... but ik how long i can hol on. and it hurts me bc i do love himlike crazy! but i have needs too!
5:05pmErika
exactly
you guys do need to take time to talk about it...and I know it isn't your fault you haven't been...but you need to find a way to get through to him and let him know something has to change
I wish I could help you and tell you how...ya know
5:06pmMe
((fyi the 'D' key on this laptop sucks... it decides when it wants to type so thats why its always missing. lol))
5:07pmErika
I have a co-worker who just gave her ring back to her boyfriend because he hasn't been caring about her needs and talking to her and all that
5:07pmMe
ik i tried last night... his response: well if its not what you want or you cant hanle it, then break up with me.
5:07pmErika
and she said she wishes she would ave tried to communicate earlier with him so she would have known it earlier
5:08pmMe
what the hell am i suppose to o with that.
5:08pmErika
hmm...it sounds like he is saying that because he knows you won't leave...
maybe
I wasn't there, so I could be wrong
what did you say after that?
5:09pmMe
thatim not leaving... :( i tol him i love being with him but i just feel like im kinda getting the short end of the stick
5:10pmErika
what did he say to that
5:11pmMe
well its your choice if your not happy leave.
i just didnt say anything
5:11pmErika
wow...and then after that...how did he act?
5:12pmMe
like the nonchalant asshole he' been being all day...
5:12pmErika
hmm
well you know what you have to do...you have to talk to him..cause if you aren't happy something has to change...
I mean I know you don't want to leave him...and I don't want you to either...I love you guys together...but something needs to change...
5:14pmErika
'sometimes goodbye is a second chance' I know that doesn't help...but the song came on...
5:15pmMe
i told him all i want is just like a little bit of the small things... the sweet comments or gestures.. he thinks we dont have any problems so theres nothing to fix.
5:16pmMe
i told him... if i feel like you dont appreciate me you dont think thats a problem? he sai well idk why youd feel that way.. an that was basically the end of thath convo
5:17pmErika
I've had that convo with Nathan before
he said the same thing....but things changed after he had time to think about what I said and how I felt
they put up a front...but they really do care
5:18pmMe
just show me taht you fucking care... why is that so hard for him to do? i do it all day every day... he could do it with all of his bitch exs?
5:19pmErika
did he?
5:20pmMe
yea... tahts why it drives me crazy! he was sweet did sweet things just becasue and for all the holiays. he woul plan picnics and all kinds of stuff... but now that im here and im actually being real w/ him about everything and put up with all his riiculous bullshit... hes not like that
5:22pmErika
well maybe he thinks it didn't work in the past...so why bother?
I dunno...it could be a thought in his head...
Nathan just called me...and when I was texting him before he said he was going to lunch, I guess Trev was with him and making fun of my texts...
so its not just you...if that makes you feel better
lol
5:23pmMe
do you know he's never once told me im pretty beautiful or anything like that?
the closest ive got was i like that outfit. ((i was in jeans a white tank w/ a royals jersey an flip flops))
5:24pmErika
Nathan said he was all "I need you...why are you ignoring me...why can't you just text me all day'' and blah blah blah...even tho I wasn't...lol I sent him like three texts today total.
Nathan has never said those things to me either
(pretty and all that)
5:25pmMe
fuck him.. god that irritates me.. bc if hes saying that bout your text then god knows what he actually thinks when im texting him
5:25pmErika
I just don't expect it from him...cause he never has...
well when Nathan told me that, I figured Nathan told Trev about our convo yesterday...I told him it upset me that he went all freakin day w/o texting me
5:26pmMe
it'd be nice to be reassured that hes attracted to me... esp when i listen to him talk about any chick that has huge boobs andd he thinks is attractive
5:26pmErika
so its not your boy..its mine complaning about me and trev just doing it with him
5:26pmMe
idc which one it is... its still unnecessary and dumb.
they need to grow up
5:27pmErika
Nathan does the same thing tho! He can talk about these good looking girls and their boobs and all that...but not about me
agreed
5:27pmMe
fucking stupid and DISRESPECTFUL... in my opinion
5:27pmErika
I agree...but the way I think about it...at least Nathan told me about it...instead of him and Trev laughing about it behind my back...ya know?
and I'm sure we do the same thing...hell we are complaining about them right now...lol
5:28pmMe
fair enough.. (sorta)
5:28pmErika
but I agree with you...nonetheless
5:30pmMe
:)
5:31pmErika
You talking about the things your boyfriend does and seeing that my boyfriend does the same thing...it looks like it is just the kind of boys we chose...
5:31pmMe
lol this true
5:32pmErika
if it was just your boy I would say that sucks you need a new boy...but it seems to be things they both do and I've heard it from other girls too...
so we just have to pick our battles and just get used to some things
as much as I would love for Nathan to be sweet at times...its just not him...
5:33pmMe
im such a hopeless romantic...
5:33pmErika
and my mom said the same thing about my dad...he was never sweet...but every once in a blue moon he made up for it...but it took awhile for him to 'settle down' and be that way...
me too
haha I agree 100%
5:34pmMe
i told trever that i am when i was w/ him in wichita... he said i used to be... i was like you cant be that way again?... he just said no, idk, maybe someday... i was like well can someday come someday soon... we laughed an then just kinda dropped it...
5:35pmErika
yea...
5:36pmMe
except i was being serious and idk if he picked that up..
i love to spoil my bf... but i wanna be spoiled sometimes too... oh well. maybe someday...
5:36pmErika
I know how you feel...
5:37pmMe
lol we can just be sweet to each other and spoil each other w/ flowers and candy! make them take a double take... lmao
5:38pmErika
haha
5:38pmMe
:P thats my creative side kicking in! hah
5:43pmErika
sounds good to me...lol
Hey I'm gonna go cook somethin for dinner...I'll ttyl
5:44pmMe
ok later. :)
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so my life goes.... i love you... i dont wanna leave you... but i need you to unerstand me... please try to understand me.