Reminiscent...

Tomorrow will be my wonderful boyfriends birthday. I gave him part of his gift today, which was a new pair of tennis shoes he wanted. He was very thankful and sweet... but when he gets the rest of his gifts I think he will be mad, just because of the money. Oh well. :) Today I was going through my facebook and I'm not sure why but i remembered the message I sent him a while ago on there and I looked up to see what I said in that. (please note: he doesn't like facebook and doesn't know his login anymore. So he'll probably never read it.) But regardless writing and re-reading its just nice to remember. I'm not sure why.... just is. So here ya go:

Subject: :o

Between Ace of Spades and You
Baby Cheetah February 15 at 3:40pm

it [facebook] said if i knew you that i should send you a message. well... this is me sending you a message! :) assuming that you'll never read this I'm just going to say what I'm to scared to actually tell you. Like how you drive me crazy ((in a good way)) and i cant get you off my mind. and even when you do things that frustrate me... i let you off the hook because i don't want to fight with you and i don't want to risk losing the only person who's ever made work to figure life and love out. i don't want to lose this amazing guy who constantly keeps a smile on my face just by doing the little things and who has made me fall harder and harder every day I'm with him. (i am still talking about you jfyi). I'm glad everything worked out the way it did. I'm over all that fuck buddy, mary, and random girl at the bar... i just laugh about it because i get to be with you... you choose me. so why should i care about that stuff. i told you for v-day i didn't care what we did as long as i got to spend it with you... and i had an amazing day. i want so bad to tell you how the past 5 or 6 times you were drunk around me you go on about how you love me... and it kills me to hear you say it. i mean i know the saying drunk words are sober thoughts... but to me, its not the same. it sucks because i just want to tell you how much i love and am in love with you. its different from the other times... i spent at least 8 months trying to get you see that i wasn't like all those other girls and that I'm just here for you... i don't want anyone else. you are different than the other guys I've dated... just something about you... the way you kick back and just want to be happy. this is probably all just a jumbled mess and you are probably going to think I'm crazy... but right now it seems so easy to be able to say i love you and I'm in love you and i don't want it any other way (well except for you to love me back... on your own terms and when you're ready, not because you feel pressure.) so there it is. i hope i can get the courage to tell... while you're sober... maybe tonight? i just don't want you to freak out. :/ i guess I'll never know unless i try. I'm getting off here.
xoxo
baby cheetah. :D

Talk about getting in my head. :) I still love him and while the thoughts from the past and other women etc. get to me at times, He's with me and I wouldn't change that for the world.
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On the same note... sort of, as in the note of my boyfriend, today was a good day. I love the being needed feeling. I really LOVE playing the ideal role of the girlfriend (a lot more than I thought I would.) While he was out working on my car he asked me to make him a sandwich, and then I just brought him a water because I knew he would be dying in that heat. After that he was saying how he should have put on sunscreen and I told him I would get him some and then I got him a hat. When i came back out with that stuff I put the sunscreen on him.... I don't know but i loved that feeling so much! :) I just like being needed by him, makes me feel like he wants me there, he can appreciate me, and makes me feel like I'm not useless. Is that bad that I enjoy playing into the gender role of the girlfriend... and catering to my man? Hmmm... I don't think it's bad unless he uses me for that stuff.