It is truly amazing how simply looking at things with a different attitude can improve you're entire day and life. With trying to let more little things go and ignore the silly comments, my days go so much smoother and are more enjoyable. :) I had a wonderful weekend while being with my man just laughing and having a good time. :) I feel secure and don't want that to change.
I feel secure in my relationship with him... but I know that we are still on different pages. Unknowingly this has been eating away at me to an insane degree. Last night I had a complete breakdown (with and partially because of my family).
Sitting Waiting Wishing (check it out.)
Apparently the fact that I feel confident enough and in love enough that I could marry this boy and the fact that I know he's not even close to that stage with me, is killing me. Or maybe its the idea that he says he doesn't want to get married right now (or according to him ever now) and the same goes for kids... supposedly. Don't get me wrong because I'm overjoyed being with him and being happy... and I'm not saying I want to get married or have kids right now by any means... I just kind of would like to know that those are eventually part of his plan... even just thoughts in the back of his mind. I'm strongly contemplating getting my own apartment. I'm thinking that if I do this I will be more motivated to stay at my own place and not be at his all the time. Maybe if I'm not around as much it will clarify what the future holds in store for us. Like if I'm at my place all the time will he miss me enough to COME TO ME? Or will he just want me to keep coming out there? Is he going to want to be with me more if I'm not around as often... will he see that he actually cares and wants me around enough to make a change? I will also be closer to work. Maybe he will then be motivated more to get his own place... I mean at 23, you should be ready to move out of your parents house, you should be ready to start growing up at the very least. I get it, he's got it all; no rent, free food, able to get drunk all the time with no worries, sex with ease... it's the whole package. BUT COME ON... Really? You don't have any desire to kind of do your own thing, get out from under people?
Oh well... I'm ready... ready to make the move to grow up for myself.
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