Tomorrow will be my wonderful boyfriends birthday. I gave him part of his gift today, which was a new pair of tennis shoes he wanted. He was very thankful and sweet... but when he gets the rest of his gifts I think he will be mad, just because of the money. Oh well. :) Today I was going through my facebook and I'm not sure why but i remembered the message I sent him a while ago on there and I looked up to see what I said in that. (please note: he doesn't like facebook and doesn't know his login anymore. So he'll probably never read it.) But regardless writing and re-reading its just nice to remember. I'm not sure why.... just is. So here ya go:
Subject: :o
Between Ace of Spades and You
Baby Cheetah February 15 at 3:40pm
it [facebook] said if i knew you that i should send you a message. well... this is me sending you a message! :) assuming that you'll never read this I'm just going to say what I'm to scared to actually tell you. Like how you drive me crazy ((in a good way)) and i cant get you off my mind. and even when you do things that frustrate me... i let you off the hook because i don't want to fight with you and i don't want to risk losing the only person who's ever made work to figure life and love out. i don't want to lose this amazing guy who constantly keeps a smile on my face just by doing the little things and who has made me fall harder and harder every day I'm with him. (i am still talking about you jfyi). I'm glad everything worked out the way it did. I'm over all that fuck buddy, mary, and random girl at the bar... i just laugh about it because i get to be with you... you choose me. so why should i care about that stuff. i told you for v-day i didn't care what we did as long as i got to spend it with you... and i had an amazing day. i want so bad to tell you how the past 5 or 6 times you were drunk around me you go on about how you love me... and it kills me to hear you say it. i mean i know the saying drunk words are sober thoughts... but to me, its not the same. it sucks because i just want to tell you how much i love and am in love with you. its different from the other times... i spent at least 8 months trying to get you see that i wasn't like all those other girls and that I'm just here for you... i don't want anyone else. you are different than the other guys I've dated... just something about you... the way you kick back and just want to be happy. this is probably all just a jumbled mess and you are probably going to think I'm crazy... but right now it seems so easy to be able to say i love you and I'm in love you and i don't want it any other way (well except for you to love me back... on your own terms and when you're ready, not because you feel pressure.) so there it is. i hope i can get the courage to tell... while you're sober... maybe tonight? i just don't want you to freak out. :/ i guess I'll never know unless i try. I'm getting off here.
xoxo
baby cheetah. :D
Talk about getting in my head. :) I still love him and while the thoughts from the past and other women etc. get to me at times, He's with me and I wouldn't change that for the world.
-----------------------------------
On the same note... sort of, as in the note of my boyfriend, today was a good day. I love the being needed feeling. I really LOVE playing the ideal role of the girlfriend (a lot more than I thought I would.) While he was out working on my car he asked me to make him a sandwich, and then I just brought him a water because I knew he would be dying in that heat. After that he was saying how he should have put on sunscreen and I told him I would get him some and then I got him a hat. When i came back out with that stuff I put the sunscreen on him.... I don't know but i loved that feeling so much! :) I just like being needed by him, makes me feel like he wants me there, he can appreciate me, and makes me feel like I'm not useless. Is that bad that I enjoy playing into the gender role of the girlfriend... and catering to my man? Hmmm... I don't think it's bad unless he uses me for that stuff.
Monday, May 31, 2010
Thursday, May 27, 2010
Innocent/Horny Girl meets Man Whore...
I would feel it fit to say that everyone (usually) has at least one relationship that they look back on and say "what the hell was i doing with them?" then we grow up realize how far we've come and how we can do so much better than that (and hopefully we have). For me that was my high school boyfriend, LL Cool J*. I was a Jr. and average. I wasn't popular or a complete loser, but had friends in every circle. I went to school, because at the time there was no other option. I was there purely because I had to be, not because I wanted to be. Socializing was easy for me, but not my life and I didn't not care what people thought of me so I just followed my own trend. Which for most everyday consisted of jeans, an over sized hoody, hair in a messy ponytail, no makeup, and a bottle of dr. pepper. My "high school sweetheart" LL Cool J was a sophomore, not the brightest crayon in the box, and had some interesting hobbies... as in rap (he was white). He walked, talked, and dressed the part. I thought he was everything I had been looking for. He didn't care what I wore, how I looked, or the way I acted. My friends didn't see what I saw in him... or maybe it was the other way around. Now looking back, I'm glad I'm with Ace* because LL Cool J and I would have never worked out for a lifetime, but I did learn a lot from that relationship and I'm thankful for that. We would make great friends if we could ever get past the same stupid arguments that ruined our relationship. But anyways, back to my point, he was my "what was i thinking" relationship. I kinda feel like we have to have them but at the same time i hope not. I have a close friend Gigi* who's boyfriend Mit* I don't feel like is right for her. She's 20 years old and I get that she can make her own choices... but they've only been together for like 2 and half months and are completely rushing things. Gigi has NEVER had a boyfriend... she is the epitome of innocent and Mit has the rep of being a man whore, stalker type. Both Mit and Gigi are currently members of the Mormon church. Mit is a convert and Gigi has been a member her whole life. Part of the religion is no sex before marriage, you're not supposed to spend the night with a person of the opposite sex, you're not supposed to go further than kissing/making out. By not following these "guidelines" you at the very least have to go through the process of repentance and at worst can be ex-communicated. Mit is "supposedly" wanting to go on mission and Gigi is now considering going on one also, but even without a mission in mind the things they are getting into are preventing them from a temple marriage. So my conclusion is that when an innocent/horny girl (even with morals) gets together with a man whore (who i feel only "claims" to have the same morals) there can only be trouble... and i know that if Gigi does go all the way with him (or anyone before she's married) she will regret it.
Ok enough with my insane ramblings... that took forever to get to what I was trying to get at. More when I have something else to rant about. Enjoy your holiday weekend!
*indicates name changed so not reveal their actual identities... duh!
Ok enough with my insane ramblings... that took forever to get to what I was trying to get at. More when I have something else to rant about. Enjoy your holiday weekend!
*indicates name changed so not reveal their actual identities... duh!
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Birthday Sex....
My boyfriend's birthday is coming up within the next week or so.... I bought him a new pair of tennis shoes, a drinking game, and i'm giving him $150 to put towards buying a new motorcycle helmet. He's told me plenty of times that all he wants is anal sex. He's been trying to get me to do this with him since before christmas. I told him that I would CONSIDER it... that's not a guaranteed yes, but i'm not completely shutting down his idea. But i also told him in order for me to CONSIDER this he would have to do his research on how it to go about it, with it being out first time and all. The subject was brought up again today over text.
Me: Have you even looked into it? (porn doesn't count).
Him: Sure.....
Me: So no. You can't expect me to do it with you if you don't know what you're doing.
Him: I know what I'm doing.
Me: How? You've done it before?
Him: Insert in hole.
Me: No. That's not just how it works. There's a lot more to it.
Him: Sure.
Me: Unlike you I've done my reading. But you're the one who wants it so you need to do your part.
Him: Lol. Tell me.
Me: Nope. If you really wanted to do it then you would read up. But until you can tell me, I don't trust you to do that. Because there is more to know than "Insert in hole."
Him: Lol.
Me: Glad it's funny to you. Have you done it before?
Him: No.
I am not the one who is pushing for this to happen. I am trying to be open minded though and the person that wants it to happen is not willing to put forth the effort to look it up and read a little about how to go about so that you're not hurting the woman. A lot of a pain and infections etc can happen from doing this, so I feel he needs to be responsible and do his research so we do it right. Although if he is not going to take it seriously then I suppose he's going to be in for a sad birthday. Meh, not my problem I guess...
Me: Have you even looked into it? (porn doesn't count).
Him: Sure.....
Me: So no. You can't expect me to do it with you if you don't know what you're doing.
Him: I know what I'm doing.
Me: How? You've done it before?
Him: Insert in hole.
Me: No. That's not just how it works. There's a lot more to it.
Him: Sure.
Me: Unlike you I've done my reading. But you're the one who wants it so you need to do your part.
Him: Lol. Tell me.
Me: Nope. If you really wanted to do it then you would read up. But until you can tell me, I don't trust you to do that. Because there is more to know than "Insert in hole."
Him: Lol.
Me: Glad it's funny to you. Have you done it before?
Him: No.
I am not the one who is pushing for this to happen. I am trying to be open minded though and the person that wants it to happen is not willing to put forth the effort to look it up and read a little about how to go about so that you're not hurting the woman. A lot of a pain and infections etc can happen from doing this, so I feel he needs to be responsible and do his research so we do it right. Although if he is not going to take it seriously then I suppose he's going to be in for a sad birthday. Meh, not my problem I guess...
Thursday, May 20, 2010
Drama-Rama....
i'm so glad that my boyfriend understands and is on my side when it comes to the drama i deal with my girlfriends. i only really have about two close girlfriends... i have a lot of girls that im acquainted with, but aren't like best freind material per say... but now looking at it... i'm not sure i know what best friend material is. i had a bunch of stuff planned out for one of my "best friends" birthday. she was supposed to go to dinner with her family and boyfriend then her and her boyfriend we're to show up at the bowling alley. we we're supposed to go bowling at 9pm. when i called to see where she was at and if she needed a ride, she informed me that she was just heading out to dinner. then she asked what i was doing, and being frustrated from knowing that she was not going to show up that night i responded in a bitchy tone "well not going to buy you shit." this offended her and she said it was not her fault etc. later that night on her fb she updated her status thanking all the kids from church who decorated her car, another girl that we grew up with who went on a bike ride, took her to lunch, and took her shopping (please note she always complains about how annoying this girl is), and she thanked her "wonderful boyfriend" all for making her birthday so special. I wanted to comment so badly, but refrained. Because it would have gone something like this: "well glad to im a shitty best friend compared to all the others whom you tagged above because i clearly didnt do shit for my best friend on her birthday. But let me clarify that it is not my fault considering i had already planned to hang with you that night in advanced. but don't worry bc now i will be the bitchy friend, i took your gifts back and i don't feel bad, i needed to save money anyways." this is precisely why i did not comment.
on a totally different note... my boyfirend have an amazing sex life no problems, we keep it interesting and mix it up for the most part.... but i'm bothered by a few things.
1. Anal... really. i get the excitement of it being uncharted terrritory and tight so it would be a totally new experience, but im not sure that i really want to go all the way of having anal sex. i mean i let him dabble a bit... but im not ready nor do i know that i ever will be to do that. just kinda want him to back off the subject.
2. I don't shut him down hardly ever... outside of being that time of the month i think i've only said no like 3 times and only actually not let it happen once. So get off my back if i'm not in the mood. i know you watch porn, why can't you just go take care of it for yourself for the 3 times i'm not in the mood. I told him "surely you can't enjoy it if i'm just laying there not in the mood..." he said- well no, but it feels better atleast to pound away at it and get off... better than my hand. i mean neither one would be showing any emotion so its not really any different, but it feels better inside you. i just left it alone... but really, no emotion? DUH IM NOT IN THE MOOD! If i feel gross and sweaty and i'm tired then its probably good chance i'm not going to be able to get horny! God, give me a break.
3.Porn... like i stated above i know he watches porn... and its whatever, he doesn't watch it nearly as much as he used to. but today after the whole no emotion thing and me telling him to watch porn i left for work. While driving to work i get a text that says "Mmm much better mood now." JUST BECAUSE I TELL YOU TO GO WATCH/TAKE CARE OF IT FOR YOURSELF, DOES NOT MEAN I WANT TO KNOW ABOUT IT! maybe thats just me. but knowing that you watch porn and knowing the second after you got off to porn are two totally different things. i don't want to know that you're in a better mood bc you watched it, got off, and it was thanks to some other girl who was probably getting fucked in the ass!!
--well that's enough venting for the day... who knows maybe there will be more, idk i guess we'll see how the day goes.--
on a totally different note... my boyfirend have an amazing sex life no problems, we keep it interesting and mix it up for the most part.... but i'm bothered by a few things.
1. Anal... really. i get the excitement of it being uncharted terrritory and tight so it would be a totally new experience, but im not sure that i really want to go all the way of having anal sex. i mean i let him dabble a bit... but im not ready nor do i know that i ever will be to do that. just kinda want him to back off the subject.
2. I don't shut him down hardly ever... outside of being that time of the month i think i've only said no like 3 times and only actually not let it happen once. So get off my back if i'm not in the mood. i know you watch porn, why can't you just go take care of it for yourself for the 3 times i'm not in the mood. I told him "surely you can't enjoy it if i'm just laying there not in the mood..." he said- well no, but it feels better atleast to pound away at it and get off... better than my hand. i mean neither one would be showing any emotion so its not really any different, but it feels better inside you. i just left it alone... but really, no emotion? DUH IM NOT IN THE MOOD! If i feel gross and sweaty and i'm tired then its probably good chance i'm not going to be able to get horny! God, give me a break.
3.Porn... like i stated above i know he watches porn... and its whatever, he doesn't watch it nearly as much as he used to. but today after the whole no emotion thing and me telling him to watch porn i left for work. While driving to work i get a text that says "Mmm much better mood now." JUST BECAUSE I TELL YOU TO GO WATCH/TAKE CARE OF IT FOR YOURSELF, DOES NOT MEAN I WANT TO KNOW ABOUT IT! maybe thats just me. but knowing that you watch porn and knowing the second after you got off to porn are two totally different things. i don't want to know that you're in a better mood bc you watched it, got off, and it was thanks to some other girl who was probably getting fucked in the ass!!
--well that's enough venting for the day... who knows maybe there will be more, idk i guess we'll see how the day goes.--
Monday, May 17, 2010
In Shock...
i'm learning that if i'm patient and i don't force things upon him... he finds a way to show me how much he cares. today we went to look at a car his sister had got. she said she'd sell it to me for $150, i could afford that. then while were up there we found it needed a few things... but nothing really bad or expensive. but she started telling us about another car that was newer and in better shape... she explained that the girl was asking $1000 but it was negotiable. my boyfriend then on the way home asked me what i thought etc. he said that whatever his dad said was the more reliable car he was going to get for me. i told him i couldnt afford $1000 dollars and he said it didn't matter because he had the money and would be buying it. i was just in shock that i had given him such little credit assuming that he would just say "hmm. $150 or $1000? ok im only going to pay $150." but instead he said that he "doesn't car about the money, you need a safe, reliable car that gets better gas mileage." I'm just so thrilled that he is my boyfriend and to know that he really cares. i love him a lot, although it may not always seem that way... i do. ♥
Friday, May 14, 2010
Honestly....
"I often wonder if ur actaully happy, do u know what true happiness is? Did u fall in love with who he is today or did u fall in love with the image that every one else has built him up to be? He's got to make u happy sometime I guess or I think u would have been gone by now. Sometimes u have to "fight" for what u want. There are those of us in this world that care about u, are there for u, and are supporting u in what ever decision u make in life. We're there for u through thick and thin, wrong or right, yes even at 3:37 in the morning if that's when u need a shoulder to cry on."
-a close friend-
Let me start out with this quote because I believe it is so suiting for this post, "Truth is, everybody is going to hurt you; you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for." -Bob Marley. I believe that I've over-compensated my image of him from the things that I hear from other people. I have created my own reality... in which he's everything I see daily and more... which isn't completely untrue. I fell in love with both the ideals that everyone talked about (and i believe are still within his reach he's just avoiding them currently) and i fell in love with the man he is now. I am slowly but surely learning to fight harder for what i want and feel i deserve and as i do this i am finding that he communicates when i push and don't let him avoid the conversations. He and i just view things differently and that is a-o-kay with me, i just needed to understand his view.
Caring-
Me: when you take me out (on a one-on-one date..romance me), you tell me you love me, you choose me over friends, i say i'm leaving and you don't let me go.
Him: when i invite you to go out w/ me and my friends and you're the only girl there, when i have you over all the time, when i take you out to dinner, when i attend an event or outing that you asked me to go to.
Think I'm attractive-
Me: when you tell me i'm pretty, beautiful, gorgeous, when you say you wouldn't trade me for anyone (except maybe bali rodriguez), when you compliment me on anything.
You: when i tell you that you look good in an outfit (or don't) and you change it to something i do like/think you look good in, when i tell you what my favorite outfit on you is, when i tell you that you look sexy (in lingerie, only time i've ever heard that).
I have no problems accepting those things, in fact it makes it so much easier because now i can appreciate you for those things SO MUCH MORE than i was when i DID NOT know that's what that meant to you. Communication is Key! But to end this on the positive note in which i am now on within my relationship, I truely love him for who he is now, was before me, and whomever he may become in the future. I believe that he and i can last a lifetime, but like everything else in life you gotta put in hard work before it is ever easy. He's the one worth suffering for (although it doesn't happen often), he's the one who can make me laugh, cry, smile, love, and hurt... but i wouldn't have it any other way... He is the one I love; truely, honestly, and completely. I got to fall in love with him, i wouldn't trade that for anything. ♥
-a close friend-
Let me start out with this quote because I believe it is so suiting for this post, "Truth is, everybody is going to hurt you; you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for." -Bob Marley. I believe that I've over-compensated my image of him from the things that I hear from other people. I have created my own reality... in which he's everything I see daily and more... which isn't completely untrue. I fell in love with both the ideals that everyone talked about (and i believe are still within his reach he's just avoiding them currently) and i fell in love with the man he is now. I am slowly but surely learning to fight harder for what i want and feel i deserve and as i do this i am finding that he communicates when i push and don't let him avoid the conversations. He and i just view things differently and that is a-o-kay with me, i just needed to understand his view.
Caring-
Me: when you take me out (on a one-on-one date..romance me), you tell me you love me, you choose me over friends, i say i'm leaving and you don't let me go.
Him: when i invite you to go out w/ me and my friends and you're the only girl there, when i have you over all the time, when i take you out to dinner, when i attend an event or outing that you asked me to go to.
Think I'm attractive-
Me: when you tell me i'm pretty, beautiful, gorgeous, when you say you wouldn't trade me for anyone (except maybe bali rodriguez), when you compliment me on anything.
You: when i tell you that you look good in an outfit (or don't) and you change it to something i do like/think you look good in, when i tell you what my favorite outfit on you is, when i tell you that you look sexy (in lingerie, only time i've ever heard that).
I have no problems accepting those things, in fact it makes it so much easier because now i can appreciate you for those things SO MUCH MORE than i was when i DID NOT know that's what that meant to you. Communication is Key! But to end this on the positive note in which i am now on within my relationship, I truely love him for who he is now, was before me, and whomever he may become in the future. I believe that he and i can last a lifetime, but like everything else in life you gotta put in hard work before it is ever easy. He's the one worth suffering for (although it doesn't happen often), he's the one who can make me laugh, cry, smile, love, and hurt... but i wouldn't have it any other way... He is the one I love; truely, honestly, and completely. I got to fall in love with him, i wouldn't trade that for anything. ♥
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Maybe Someday...
i love these rainy days and how they come at the perfect time... because when it rains no one can see the tears that are falling from my face. because the rain knows how i feel.
--------------------------------
AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!
--------------------------------
why do you make things so difficult? why cant you show me the love you showed them? im honest, im true, im loyal to you...
--------------------------------
5:01pmMe
idk he loved erin.. (an i think kinda foresaw them getting marrie but then the whole thing was a lie bc she had pretty much been cehating on him the entire time)
5:02pmErika
so maybe that is why he is afraid...cause he has strong feelings for you...but he has bit him in the ass before...
5:02pmMe
but i feel like ive proved to him that im loyal to him and idk what else to do or say bc when i try and talk to him about stuff like that he avoids the conversaiton at any and all costs... :/
5:03pmErika
I know thats how I was when I first got with Nathan...I was 'crazy' in a sence because of what has happened to me...but I eventually calmed down about it and it got a lot better
5:03pmMe
i just dont know... im a wreck toay
today**
5:04pmErika
Its up to you what your next move is, my dear... but I think he has been burned before, and he seems to be more stubborn than most...lol
so it may take him awhile
5:04pmMe
stubborn doesnt begin to cover it!
lol
5:04pmErika
if you are willing to put up with it, then do it and show him you are always going to be there. ya know? but if it is making you unhappy, then you need to say or do something...
cause if you aren't happy...it may just end up getting worse...and you are gonna get stuck in a rut...
5:05pmMe
and im trying so amn hard to patient with him... but ik how long i can hol on. and it hurts me bc i do love himlike crazy! but i have needs too!
5:05pmErika
exactly
you guys do need to take time to talk about it...and I know it isn't your fault you haven't been...but you need to find a way to get through to him and let him know something has to change
I wish I could help you and tell you how...ya know
5:06pmMe
((fyi the 'D' key on this laptop sucks... it decides when it wants to type so thats why its always missing. lol))
5:07pmErika
I have a co-worker who just gave her ring back to her boyfriend because he hasn't been caring about her needs and talking to her and all that
5:07pmMe
ik i tried last night... his response: well if its not what you want or you cant hanle it, then break up with me.
5:07pmErika
and she said she wishes she would ave tried to communicate earlier with him so she would have known it earlier
5:08pmMe
what the hell am i suppose to o with that.
5:08pmErika
hmm...it sounds like he is saying that because he knows you won't leave...
maybe
I wasn't there, so I could be wrong
what did you say after that?
5:09pmMe
thatim not leaving... :( i tol him i love being with him but i just feel like im kinda getting the short end of the stick
5:10pmErika
what did he say to that
5:11pmMe
well its your choice if your not happy leave.
i just didnt say anything
5:11pmErika
wow...and then after that...how did he act?
5:12pmMe
like the nonchalant asshole he' been being all day...
5:12pmErika
hmm
well you know what you have to do...you have to talk to him..cause if you aren't happy something has to change...
I mean I know you don't want to leave him...and I don't want you to either...I love you guys together...but something needs to change...
5:14pmErika
'sometimes goodbye is a second chance' I know that doesn't help...but the song came on...
5:15pmMe
i told him all i want is just like a little bit of the small things... the sweet comments or gestures.. he thinks we dont have any problems so theres nothing to fix.
5:16pmMe
i told him... if i feel like you dont appreciate me you dont think thats a problem? he sai well idk why youd feel that way.. an that was basically the end of thath convo
5:17pmErika
I've had that convo with Nathan before
he said the same thing....but things changed after he had time to think about what I said and how I felt
they put up a front...but they really do care
5:18pmMe
just show me taht you fucking care... why is that so hard for him to do? i do it all day every day... he could do it with all of his bitch exs?
5:19pmErika
did he?
5:20pmMe
yea... tahts why it drives me crazy! he was sweet did sweet things just becasue and for all the holiays. he woul plan picnics and all kinds of stuff... but now that im here and im actually being real w/ him about everything and put up with all his riiculous bullshit... hes not like that
5:22pmErika
well maybe he thinks it didn't work in the past...so why bother?
I dunno...it could be a thought in his head...
Nathan just called me...and when I was texting him before he said he was going to lunch, I guess Trev was with him and making fun of my texts...
so its not just you...if that makes you feel better
lol
5:23pmMe
do you know he's never once told me im pretty beautiful or anything like that?
the closest ive got was i like that outfit. ((i was in jeans a white tank w/ a royals jersey an flip flops))
5:24pmErika
Nathan said he was all "I need you...why are you ignoring me...why can't you just text me all day'' and blah blah blah...even tho I wasn't...lol I sent him like three texts today total.
Nathan has never said those things to me either
(pretty and all that)
5:25pmMe
fuck him.. god that irritates me.. bc if hes saying that bout your text then god knows what he actually thinks when im texting him
5:25pmErika
I just don't expect it from him...cause he never has...
well when Nathan told me that, I figured Nathan told Trev about our convo yesterday...I told him it upset me that he went all freakin day w/o texting me
5:26pmMe
it'd be nice to be reassured that hes attracted to me... esp when i listen to him talk about any chick that has huge boobs andd he thinks is attractive
5:26pmErika
so its not your boy..its mine complaning about me and trev just doing it with him
5:26pmMe
idc which one it is... its still unnecessary and dumb.
they need to grow up
5:27pmErika
Nathan does the same thing tho! He can talk about these good looking girls and their boobs and all that...but not about me
agreed
5:27pmMe
fucking stupid and DISRESPECTFUL... in my opinion
5:27pmErika
I agree...but the way I think about it...at least Nathan told me about it...instead of him and Trev laughing about it behind my back...ya know?
and I'm sure we do the same thing...hell we are complaining about them right now...lol
5:28pmMe
fair enough.. (sorta)
5:28pmErika
but I agree with you...nonetheless
5:30pmMe
:)
5:31pmErika
You talking about the things your boyfriend does and seeing that my boyfriend does the same thing...it looks like it is just the kind of boys we chose...
5:31pmMe
lol this true
5:32pmErika
if it was just your boy I would say that sucks you need a new boy...but it seems to be things they both do and I've heard it from other girls too...
so we just have to pick our battles and just get used to some things
as much as I would love for Nathan to be sweet at times...its just not him...
5:33pmMe
im such a hopeless romantic...
5:33pmErika
and my mom said the same thing about my dad...he was never sweet...but every once in a blue moon he made up for it...but it took awhile for him to 'settle down' and be that way...
me too
haha I agree 100%
5:34pmMe
i told trever that i am when i was w/ him in wichita... he said i used to be... i was like you cant be that way again?... he just said no, idk, maybe someday... i was like well can someday come someday soon... we laughed an then just kinda dropped it...
5:35pmErika
yea...
5:36pmMe
except i was being serious and idk if he picked that up..
i love to spoil my bf... but i wanna be spoiled sometimes too... oh well. maybe someday...
5:36pmErika
I know how you feel...
5:37pmMe
lol we can just be sweet to each other and spoil each other w/ flowers and candy! make them take a double take... lmao
5:38pmErika
haha
5:38pmMe
:P thats my creative side kicking in! hah
5:43pmErika
sounds good to me...lol
Hey I'm gonna go cook somethin for dinner...I'll ttyl
5:44pmMe
ok later. :)
--------------------------
so my life goes.... i love you... i dont wanna leave you... but i need you to unerstand me... please try to understand me.
--------------------------------
AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!
--------------------------------
why do you make things so difficult? why cant you show me the love you showed them? im honest, im true, im loyal to you...
--------------------------------
5:01pmMe
idk he loved erin.. (an i think kinda foresaw them getting marrie but then the whole thing was a lie bc she had pretty much been cehating on him the entire time)
5:02pmErika
so maybe that is why he is afraid...cause he has strong feelings for you...but he has bit him in the ass before...
5:02pmMe
but i feel like ive proved to him that im loyal to him and idk what else to do or say bc when i try and talk to him about stuff like that he avoids the conversaiton at any and all costs... :/
5:03pmErika
I know thats how I was when I first got with Nathan...I was 'crazy' in a sence because of what has happened to me...but I eventually calmed down about it and it got a lot better
5:03pmMe
i just dont know... im a wreck toay
today**
5:04pmErika
Its up to you what your next move is, my dear... but I think he has been burned before, and he seems to be more stubborn than most...lol
so it may take him awhile
5:04pmMe
stubborn doesnt begin to cover it!
lol
5:04pmErika
if you are willing to put up with it, then do it and show him you are always going to be there. ya know? but if it is making you unhappy, then you need to say or do something...
cause if you aren't happy...it may just end up getting worse...and you are gonna get stuck in a rut...
5:05pmMe
and im trying so amn hard to patient with him... but ik how long i can hol on. and it hurts me bc i do love himlike crazy! but i have needs too!
5:05pmErika
exactly
you guys do need to take time to talk about it...and I know it isn't your fault you haven't been...but you need to find a way to get through to him and let him know something has to change
I wish I could help you and tell you how...ya know
5:06pmMe
((fyi the 'D' key on this laptop sucks... it decides when it wants to type so thats why its always missing. lol))
5:07pmErika
I have a co-worker who just gave her ring back to her boyfriend because he hasn't been caring about her needs and talking to her and all that
5:07pmMe
ik i tried last night... his response: well if its not what you want or you cant hanle it, then break up with me.
5:07pmErika
and she said she wishes she would ave tried to communicate earlier with him so she would have known it earlier
5:08pmMe
what the hell am i suppose to o with that.
5:08pmErika
hmm...it sounds like he is saying that because he knows you won't leave...
maybe
I wasn't there, so I could be wrong
what did you say after that?
5:09pmMe
thatim not leaving... :( i tol him i love being with him but i just feel like im kinda getting the short end of the stick
5:10pmErika
what did he say to that
5:11pmMe
well its your choice if your not happy leave.
i just didnt say anything
5:11pmErika
wow...and then after that...how did he act?
5:12pmMe
like the nonchalant asshole he' been being all day...
5:12pmErika
hmm
well you know what you have to do...you have to talk to him..cause if you aren't happy something has to change...
I mean I know you don't want to leave him...and I don't want you to either...I love you guys together...but something needs to change...
5:14pmErika
'sometimes goodbye is a second chance' I know that doesn't help...but the song came on...
5:15pmMe
i told him all i want is just like a little bit of the small things... the sweet comments or gestures.. he thinks we dont have any problems so theres nothing to fix.
5:16pmMe
i told him... if i feel like you dont appreciate me you dont think thats a problem? he sai well idk why youd feel that way.. an that was basically the end of thath convo
5:17pmErika
I've had that convo with Nathan before
he said the same thing....but things changed after he had time to think about what I said and how I felt
they put up a front...but they really do care
5:18pmMe
just show me taht you fucking care... why is that so hard for him to do? i do it all day every day... he could do it with all of his bitch exs?
5:19pmErika
did he?
5:20pmMe
yea... tahts why it drives me crazy! he was sweet did sweet things just becasue and for all the holiays. he woul plan picnics and all kinds of stuff... but now that im here and im actually being real w/ him about everything and put up with all his riiculous bullshit... hes not like that
5:22pmErika
well maybe he thinks it didn't work in the past...so why bother?
I dunno...it could be a thought in his head...
Nathan just called me...and when I was texting him before he said he was going to lunch, I guess Trev was with him and making fun of my texts...
so its not just you...if that makes you feel better
lol
5:23pmMe
do you know he's never once told me im pretty beautiful or anything like that?
the closest ive got was i like that outfit. ((i was in jeans a white tank w/ a royals jersey an flip flops))
5:24pmErika
Nathan said he was all "I need you...why are you ignoring me...why can't you just text me all day'' and blah blah blah...even tho I wasn't...lol I sent him like three texts today total.
Nathan has never said those things to me either
(pretty and all that)
5:25pmMe
fuck him.. god that irritates me.. bc if hes saying that bout your text then god knows what he actually thinks when im texting him
5:25pmErika
I just don't expect it from him...cause he never has...
well when Nathan told me that, I figured Nathan told Trev about our convo yesterday...I told him it upset me that he went all freakin day w/o texting me
5:26pmMe
it'd be nice to be reassured that hes attracted to me... esp when i listen to him talk about any chick that has huge boobs andd he thinks is attractive
5:26pmErika
so its not your boy..its mine complaning about me and trev just doing it with him
5:26pmMe
idc which one it is... its still unnecessary and dumb.
they need to grow up
5:27pmErika
Nathan does the same thing tho! He can talk about these good looking girls and their boobs and all that...but not about me
agreed
5:27pmMe
fucking stupid and DISRESPECTFUL... in my opinion
5:27pmErika
I agree...but the way I think about it...at least Nathan told me about it...instead of him and Trev laughing about it behind my back...ya know?
and I'm sure we do the same thing...hell we are complaining about them right now...lol
5:28pmMe
fair enough.. (sorta)
5:28pmErika
but I agree with you...nonetheless
5:30pmMe
:)
5:31pmErika
You talking about the things your boyfriend does and seeing that my boyfriend does the same thing...it looks like it is just the kind of boys we chose...
5:31pmMe
lol this true
5:32pmErika
if it was just your boy I would say that sucks you need a new boy...but it seems to be things they both do and I've heard it from other girls too...
so we just have to pick our battles and just get used to some things
as much as I would love for Nathan to be sweet at times...its just not him...
5:33pmMe
im such a hopeless romantic...
5:33pmErika
and my mom said the same thing about my dad...he was never sweet...but every once in a blue moon he made up for it...but it took awhile for him to 'settle down' and be that way...
me too
haha I agree 100%
5:34pmMe
i told trever that i am when i was w/ him in wichita... he said i used to be... i was like you cant be that way again?... he just said no, idk, maybe someday... i was like well can someday come someday soon... we laughed an then just kinda dropped it...
5:35pmErika
yea...
5:36pmMe
except i was being serious and idk if he picked that up..
i love to spoil my bf... but i wanna be spoiled sometimes too... oh well. maybe someday...
5:36pmErika
I know how you feel...
5:37pmMe
lol we can just be sweet to each other and spoil each other w/ flowers and candy! make them take a double take... lmao
5:38pmErika
haha
5:38pmMe
:P thats my creative side kicking in! hah
5:43pmErika
sounds good to me...lol
Hey I'm gonna go cook somethin for dinner...I'll ttyl
5:44pmMe
ok later. :)
--------------------------
so my life goes.... i love you... i dont wanna leave you... but i need you to unerstand me... please try to understand me.
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