The frustration eats me ALIVE!! The days run together and I try to take the bad with the good... but lately it just seems like its more aggravation and fading trust. I want to believe it... want to trust, but I'm losing faith and sight of how to do that... I feel the circumstances are different for us here. I know and he knows, where ka$pa and I stand... but on the other hand I just feel like there are still feelings for her buried beneath the surface that he wants to let out... and they're not towards me. I get lost in what to believe... what I hear is wonderful but what I see is different. I want to cut the ties with the past... for both of us but, I know that will go over like a lead balloon. I'm willing to make the sacrifices... any and all of them, but I'm not sure he is. I love him, but I'm almost certain that he doesn't have those feelings towards me. I'm stuck in a rock and a hard place, I'm in a no win situation. I will be miserable if I end it, but staying with him drives me crazy from not knowing exactly whats happen... lack of communication if you will. :( I feel like such a burden: living with him and his parents, I need my own place soon. just waiting around with nothing to do, i need to get a social life. making him mad, i need to know what he wants in order to make him happy. i need to get my life in order... i know what my ideal step from here would be, but i don't know if I'm strong enough or stable enough. I want to celebrate the progress we've made but I can't because I find things that take us back to square one... and anymore I'm not sure we've even made it to one... i think we're stuck at none.
***AHHHHAHAHHAAHHAH!!!!!!! UGGHHHSS!!***
I'm lost. I'm confused. I'm broken. I'm in love. I'm losing hope. I'm hurt. I'm lost.....
what do you do when you're with the person you can see forever with, but they don't?
