You know the saying, "when life gives you lemons, make lemonade" and everyone is reacts with the sigh, eye roll, and shut the hell up look? I know you know what I am talking about, because I used to be the person with that reaction. Now days though, what I wouldn't do to have some flipping lemons, instead of the damn boulders it seems keep piling up in my front yard. You can't make anything with boulders! I don't know how much more I can carry on my shoulders. I put some of my problems out there, but like all people you never share all of your secrets or problems. It seems impossible that I'm still afloat considering my mental state and lack of funds to pay the bills. So, stupidly, I spend my money on the things that only temporarily make me not care until the next day when everything comes back head on. I want so bad to quit life, but can't justify hurting my friends and family because I'm too overloaded, confused, and in too deep. I'm $20+ G's in debt, head over heels for the one guy I can never have again, without a car, tickets that need to be paid, all which equal out to BROKE! I can't tell anyone because I can't stand hearing the same advice over and over again. I'm stuck and don't know how to fix all these problems. I am starting to feel like I am just prolonging the inevitable ... like one day it's all just going to eat me alive. You know what the worst part is? I just don't care anymore... some days I just want to get in a car wreck or some freak accident where a a random beam falls and kills me. I just don't want to live through this anymore because I don't know how to. Suggestions? Feel free to comment. I send my best wishes to everyone out there in hopes that you can all find solutions to your problems and not reach the point in which I am at.
Goodnight all and good luck.
